Sunday, October 2, 2011

Boundaries

Oh, we're getting back to where we were last year as far as behavior. She's been doing so well and then WHAM...we had a rough week.

One of her main problems is when she gets sent to the Principal, she starts crying and doesn't give her side of the story. She gives it to me when she gets home and it always goes along with the teacher's version but if she would plead her own case, they could resolve things much easier and more efficiently.

I feel like her underlying major issue is that she doesn't understand boundaries. Not sure if it's actually hearing related...I know that people give us cues with the tones in their voices when we cross the line, but they usually also give us visual ones as well such as furrowed brows, and various other gestures we pick up on...

She has a little boy she likes to play around with and they make each other giggle by calling each other silly names "Old lady," etc. and they both giggle and think it's funny. However, it gets them in trouble, and I completely understand that this 'game' will eventually go too far and they need to find something else to talk about...before someone gets mad.

So Brook asked him a question...just an honest seven year old question about his family. He got offended and said she was making fun of him. She got in major trouble, likely because she started crying and didn't plead her own case. She was so confused when she got home. "I still don't know about his family. Kids are supposed to look their parents." I have no clue about the child's background but we discussed foster care, adoptions, extended families, and anything else I could think of. I don't think she was intentionally making fun, she just had a question that people got mad about instead of answering for her. We need to figure out a way for her to stop crying so much when she feels "wronged" and ask the appropriate questions instead of crossing boundaries. I wholeheartedly believe this is the underlying issue rather her trying to be mean. She likes the kid...but she's only seven too. So that's what I am going to focus on for a while and see if that helps. I'll have to get the teacher's help though since I won't be there when the situations occur.

Now don't get me wrong, she still gets into trouble for other things (mainly talking) but for this particular issue, based on the info she gave me...she was just looking for some information about his family...not really trying to hurt his feelings. She just has to learn when to STOP!

Oh goodness, this will all work out in the end (we hope) and she'll grow and learn from her mistakes. Let's just hope she learns to do this outside of the Principal's office rather than inside it!

On a different note, we are looking forward to our Zoo trip next Sunday with The HEAR Center! We love seeing all the kids with hearing loss explore the zoo for a day.

7 comments:

Prince Andrew and the Queen Mum said...

hey there. as you know andrew has a cochlear implant. one thing that kids w/ hearing impairment REALLY struggle with is inferring... inferring what is going on and really understanding the underlying 'thought's of another person. I think this can be really true of kids w/ implants b/c we spend oodles of time focusing on the words..but so much of communcation is non-verbal. we ASSUME that kids w/ implants just pick this up but not neccessarily. I have been working w andrew on inferring- taking pictures from various sources and talking about the who, what, where, when, why etc. in fact we were looking at some social story books that involved school situations and it was surprising what andrew picked up on..not what i would..which means it needs some work. if you want more info let me know but this sounds like it really can be hearing related.

Prince Andrew and the Queen Mum said...

i don't know why but i was re-reading LOL. and i was thinking of a time w/ andrew recently. We have a babysitter who is african american. he is adopted. His mom is caucasian. So we dropped T off at the library and his mom was there. Mind you, T has been working for us for about a year but has never met his mom. Andrew says to T, "Hey.. you have brown skin." T say, "you are SO right Andrew! Everyone says i have black skin but it is really brown." We then went on to discuss adoption etc.. But that could have gone the wrong way had it been another child he had been talking to however it doesnt HAVE to. something like, "you have black/brown skin" is the same as saying "you have read hair!"

Also, we go to a doctor where there is a large Muslim population and lots of kids in wheel chairs. My kid has said some REALLy inappropriate things. He will often comment on the muslim clothing. Last time, it was to a worker there (not another parent) and so i used the opportunity to have him ASK her about it. And he will often comment on kids in wheel chairs, and i compare it to his implant.

Really this is all normal development. What i have found w/ my kiddo is that his SPEECH and LANGUAGE are EXCEPTIONAL and so people ASSUME that he gets the whole kit and kaboodle. But really he does not. I think we worked so hard on the language..and had to..and should have.. but there are some holes / gaps that will have to be filled in along the way.

I feel my own blog coming on regarding this subject. :)

Anonymous said...

This is why most deaf get labelled as "blunt" Maybe she feels she is missing out so she ask questions as hearing people can pick up conversations around them and don't have the need to ask questions.

anyway, another possibility is ADD without the hyperactive. they don't always read other people's emotions and will speak without thinking (and they have plenty to say) my hearing son is like this.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to add that I used to cry everytime I went to the office as well. I hated criticism. Some deaf people learn to grow thick skinned (and sometimes emotionally detach) because they deal with criticism all the time. Their speech,hearing, the way they act or write... sometimes even the way they breathe.. day in and day out so it is easy to cry when you tried so hard to act like a hearing person. And some parents don't like the way their deaf child cry or act so they don't really respond the way they do with their hearing child so it is hard for us to get emotionally tune in with other people.

Different culture, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

Like many deaf kids I was very "blunt" when I was littler but like most kids deaf or hearing I grew out of it. My cousin who is around brookies age is very blunt and he is deaf as well haha maybe we can hook them up together lol :)

Anonymous said...

Maybe this has to do with last year and how poor Brooke used to get bullied. Maybe she is trying to give them a taste of there own medicine? Is it the same kids that bullied her last year? Are you still looking into the deaf school I just know that they solve problems like these a lot better than hearing schools. I hope little Brooke doesn't get sent to the principals office anymore that is a very scary experience for any child to go through.

Val said...

Actually Brook only had trouble on the bus and she's most likely to take up for herself. She was somewhat aggressive last year herself and has MARKED improvement as far as that goes.She needs to work on her verbal social skills now.

Gage did have issues with some bullying last year. And I'm happy to say, the little boy (much bigger than he and older than he is) is reportedly NICE to him now. Gage is not aggressive with people and Brook who is two yrs younger is most likely to "take care" of any bullies Gage has. So that's what you were thinking of I believe. He had a few instinces of being picked on last year.