Thursday, October 8, 2009

Three Wishes

Today I took Gage to the ADHD Psychologist. This was his first meeting with Gage to observe the ADHD issues we've previously talked to him about. His IQ testing is at a later date. Anyway, today's appointment is just one day before he has yet another medical intervention to remove a skin tag (extra skin growth) from his face. I kinda knew what was going to take place today, a lot of talking, a lot of observing Gage doing various tasks, including math and other school work.


My husband and I had been afraid to even begin all this with Gage because we "knew" we'd be picked apart as parents, open ourselves up for major criticism, finding our faults and having them displayed right in front of us, and then actually paying (a lot!!) to have all this information. Did we really want to hear this? But we decided this was something we needed help on (ADHD) and we felt it was important enough to invest our money in our own child's health and happiness and do what was best for him, since we were sure he would certainly benefit from the visit(s).


After Gage had been back there with the doctor for almost an hour, the doctor came in to get me, so we could speak in private. This always concerns me for good reason and if you know our history and our complete story, you'll know why! So he takes me back into this area, telling me to keep my voice down, he didn't want Gage to accidentally hear me and have an excuse to come out of the room (where he was left to do some "work" to see if he could complete it unsupervised). With a confused and concerned look he says, "Gage told me something and I have to ask...did he have to call the cops before?" If you know this story, you're probably already smiling, if not, click here. He tells me a very interesting story (I won't go into details 'cause it's not even important) but it ended with Gage being a hero for the day when he saved us all. Anyway, I told him the real story and he got a good chuckle out of it.


Then he tells me this...He says that he was talking to Gage and he asked him if he were magic and could grant Gage three wishes, what would he wish for. For some reason my usual plump face full of dimples fell flat right at that moment. I began watching the doctor because I could no longer hear him. I knew this was it. This is what it all came down to. It appeared the doctor was trying to get Gage to talk about his deafness or his cochlear implants or his syndrome, some of the things that make him unique. I could feel my neck get warm as my blood pressure rose, afraid I was about to hear the news a mother never wanted to hear. My hands shook as my glances shifted around the room trying to occupy my brain with anything other than what my head was telling me. Was he gonna tell me that Gage didn't like being the only deaf kid in his class? Was he gonna say something even worse that would break my heart in two, like maybe he wanted to behave better so his teachers and his mama and daddy didn't get so upset with him? Was he gonna say that he felt Gage might be mistreated by his peers or feel out-of-place somewhere or even worse, feel out-of-place everywhere?


"Just say it!" I wanted to scream as he closed his "forewarning", so I thought...
My mind entered back into the conversation as I could see he was trying to politely tell me he assumed Gage would mention his deafness in his three wish request....
...but instead he tells me, "His three wishes were...he wants a dune buggy, he wants a new four wheeler, and he wants to be a better swimmer." The doctor gives Gage another opportunity to express any concerns he has about being different and tells Gage "suppose you already had all three of those, what would you wish for then?" and again got very normal-age appropriate answers! He said after a while of "other stuff" he asked Gage about his processors, what they were for, and if they hurt? really anything that might spark any concern in that area, and he told me that he (the doc) felt like Gage was like...yea, I have implants, I don't hear without them, I can hear with them, and that's that. It's just part of who he is, not a huge deal.


I felt my chest rise and fall again as I once again started to breathe, not realizing I'd been holding my breath this whole time. I had no idea he was going to ask that question, and I had no idea how Gage would respond to such. So I'm very proud of my little guy! And happy for him, that he's very secure, very open with us. We've never tried to hide much of anything from him and we've tried to teach him to advocate for himself, but unsure if we were doing the right thing. It's nice to have a doctor look at me, and assure me he seems very happy and mentally healthy, when I was afraid he might tell me differently.


All that work over the last few years, of not just preparing my child for the world but preparing the world for my child, has paid off. Patiently changing those hard stares, pointed fingers, and other non verbal and verbal forms of ignorance...to raised eyebrows, smiles and conversations and I now have one of my three wishes....to have healthy and happy children!

12 comments:

leah said...

You do have an amazing boy there, and an amazing mom (and dad) to boot! No matter what Gage faces in life, he's well adjusted, confident, and has enough wit to get through it!

lbre969903 said...

What an amazing little guy you have and it just goes to show what a great job you and dad have done!

Bright Family said...

Thanks for sharing!

What an awesome reward to have such smart, secure and confident kiddos!

You know I'm not the only mamma out here looking up to you! You're an amazing mother, so it is no wonder your kiddos are following in your foot steps!

Shehuntstoo said...

amazing kid and amazing parents...take credit...you guys through your love and support have shaped him. I for one am happy to know you.

Anonymous said...

amazing job MAMA! KEEP IT UP! good luch with the surgery today.....im sure you'll look quite handsome after....

Christian and Lily's Mommy said...

Gage is such a wonderful boy!

Melanie said...

What a wonderful post. Way to go, Mama.

Deema said...

My eyes are full of tears now I can't speak.

Deema,
a mother of 2 years old bilateral implant sweetheart.

Lucas'Mommy said...

You're such a great mama! Gage is so lucky to have you! What a great boy!

rouchi said...

what a good job done, it is so good to hear about his wishes. I think you should do a 'pat on the back'.

Shanna aka Eli n Lucas's mommy said...

That was an amazing story...thatnks for sharing it! I hope that Lucas feels that same way about his aids and his hearing as he gets older. Way to go girl..you are doing a great job with both of them!

K.L. said...

I am so with you on this story. I took my son to a psycologist when he was 8 or 9, because I just didn't have the parenting skills to deal with his ADD. I needed more tools. He talked to my son, and me alone, then both together, and we went weekly for the summer, and things got much easier. But I was not prepared when he said he asked my son if his dad and I loved him... You just never know what the kid thinks. Luckily, he assured the doctor that yes, mommy and daddy loved him very much. That was a big relief.

Congratulations on doing this for him. Parenting is not easy.