Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Are You Scared?


This question was asked by the kids' Teacher of the Deaf a few days ago. I was taken back by it, I must admit.
My actual answer was "We'll do whatever we need to do. If I need to send him to the State's Deaf/Blind School I will, If I need to home school, I will." So I didn't actually answer her question. But honestly this one question has haunted me since she asked it. Am I? Well, truth be known...I was at first. This all started back in Aug so as you can imagine the idea of the ci being removed has always been there. In fact, I've always known there would come a day that he would need a new product, and with his anatomy, I've assumed that he'd be difficult to re implant. However, his doctor feels confident and now I do as well. Even worse case scenario, he doesn't get another one, we'll view our options (as we have so many times already in his life) and see which is the best fit for him but with respect to Brooklyn's needs as well. I assure you this will be looked at thoroughly.
Now having said that, kids usually ask the heart wrenching questions. I stayed very strong Tues. when explaining to Gage that the countdown was on for his next surgery. I didn't want to breakdown, I choose to look at the bright side of things always. He doesn't want another medical intervention but he desperately wants to hear comfortably again. He took the news well, as I expected, since we've sort of warned him this may be the end result anyway. But I almost got a little choked up when telling Brook about her brother's situation. I didn't cry but I felt like I could at any minute. I reminded myself that I do not want my kids to get the wrong idea and think that I'm not happy when they can't hear, so I again remained strong and explained to my five year old that Gage would be leaving school for a while, he'd need a few surgeries so he can hear again....and when I felt good about the conversation and a little proud of myself for not tearing up, I ask if she has any questions.
She looks at me and says "yeah, can you play in my room with me?" and I smiled and said "yes". That was it.
Gage tried to go to school yesterday and made it two hours before claiming his head hurt, so we finished the lessons at home. Brook's SLP/co-author of I'm All Ears/friend, actually thinks that I may end up liking the whole home schooling life. I told her she needed to be committed, but who knows....after I get used to it.....???

6 comments:

Tiffani Hill-Patterson said...

You're the best! Hugs!

Naomi said...

It's like I keep saying, those kids have an awesome mommy!!! I think the SLP may be right, you know, you are a get in there and get the job done, let nothing stand in my way kind of gal : - ) In our thoughts...

Loudest Mom said...

Val-
Hugs! What a wonderful mom you are...

Jennifer White said...

Hi Val, my name is Jennifer White. I have heard alot about you and visit your blog often. My daughter, Claire, has bilateral cochlear implants and Tamara was her SLP (and my sons also) for several years. She is such a great therapist and we miss her lots! I plan on ordering your book and can't wait to read it. Gage is in my prayers. I'm sure he will do great - he is such a brave boy!

leahlefler said...

You're such a good mama, Val. All I can think about is "Maw Maw's miracle" and I know that Gage will be on the road to hearing again soon. Some roads seem to have a few more speed bumps than others, but mabye this will help speed along the bilateral CI. Sending electronic *hugs* from snowy NY!

Prince Andrew and the Queen Mum said...

ditto to Tiffani..you are the best!