When I Am Deaf

As we get the news that our children are deaf, many of us sit back and try to figure out how in the world they could mistake our child who obviously can hear, as a deaf child. One day, as reality floods in with the tears, the sadness, the heartache, the worry, the guilt, we accept the news and move on...because we have to. We educate our ignorant minds and realize that we are never going to be like other families, other parents, other mothers. Some of us eventually realize that what they were born without, can be the biggest gift of all...

Throughout our early years of parenting, we are forced to place ourselves in our children's shoes. We enter a grocery store and realize that our voices can get lost in the wide open space so we move in close to our children when we speak so they see or hear us. We know that midnight storms will not wake our kids because of the loud howling wind, but we pull their curtains tight so the flashes of lightening won't startle their little eyes and hope the deep booming thunder doesn't shake their cribs. We repeat questions for them when their big blue eyes roll over to our direction without them even asking because we know they didn't understand. Also parents of deaf children, we learn to feel, in more ways than one...

When we started going to our little country church, one of the first things I did, was feel for the service. I knew that if I could feel HIM, without seeing or hearing Him, it would be the right place for my kids. Some of THE BEST church services have been when I am deaf...

There have been times, when I am deaf, that I need to close my eyes completely to simply absorb what's around me. If you keep very still, that preacher's voice can reach right up through the bottom of the pew and grab you by the gut so hard your back arches over to slump as you begin to pray. Sometimes, when I am deaf, I am led to Altar, only to find it so crowded that I stop right beside the piano. On bended knees I'll reach up and with outstretched fingers, I'll feel the music as the pianist pounds ivory keys which seem to strum right into my heart. Sometimes, when I am deaf, He begins to show me things that may not matter to anyone else...but to me, it's Pure, it's Golden, it's Richer than anything I've ever received...yet the only price I paid for it was Believing.

Being deaf sometimes can be a true Blessing, and I am thankful for the times He lets us feel. I don't always listen despite having two functional ears and I don't always see though my vision is clear. But I know how to feel.