The Wrong Thing

Due to the fact that I've received multiple private messages on Facebook about this one single blog post from my other blog...(click here)...I've decided to cross post it here and tell a quick little story that I was reminded of, when a friend read that post.

For my family, it has never been wrong for other children to ask questions. I have always taught my kids that when other kids ask them "what's wrong with their ears" or something similar, the best thing to do is answer them. If they don't feel comfortable doing that, they can come get me and I'll do it for them but I prefer my kids answer questions themselves...this builds confidence and they need to use the voice that The Lord gave them...I am just their back-up plan.

Here is The Wrong Thing to do...

On several occasions (when my kids were tiny), I've watched small children stare at my children's ears. Sometimes the pure fascination in their eyes would bring a smile to my face. My small child would stare back with no answers to give yet and only a few clear words that nothing to do with cochlear implants. Just as I am about to give the child the answers he/she deserves, Mom comes over...looks at my child and in a gasp, shew her kid away. We were never even given a chance. I wanted to tell the child, the mother that my children's ears didn't work, at all, but God decided that He had some things for them to hear, so we were given devices that make their ears hear sometimes...

But instead, an embarrassed mother that had no answers and apparently would kill over if her kid asked a question, ran away from a really great family. She'll never know how funny my kids are. She'll never know what a gift we were given. She'll never know that it's okay to ask honest questions. Some of our biggest Blessings have come from brave people who have stood in line with us, talked to us until we hated to say goodbye, laughed with us, learned with us, discovered with us...and made it okay for us. Our confidence was given by those brave people who didn't run away. My heart has sank low lots of times in the beginning, when my kids were smaller. But I have to say in hindsight that the confidence also came from those who ran...and I guess I should thank them as well...because I knew that soon, I wouldn't let anyone run. I'd politely tell them that it's okay, it's fine and I'd show them that special needs kids are approachable...which is exactly what happened.

So if you're still stuck in that rut, of letting people stare, not answering questions you know they have...if you don't speak up, your kids never will either. Most of the time, my oldest (who isn't shy) will answer all the questions himself. Sister is a little shy but that doesn't mean we can't take questions. Once people know they are listening and talking to a deaf person, amazement sets in. I have to explain to most hearing people that these devices don't magically make their little brains understand what sounds are...it takes an incredible amount of therapy...an incredible amount of family dedication, an incredible amount of hard work from the child and everyone around the child, but it's all worth it.

This is an old video for those who have never seen my kids without their "ears"



Sometimes the captioned version doesn't work well but here it is on youtube also--he was trying to let her FEEL him talk--she's not a very good speech reader--unlike him.

It chose me

A friend of mine from church publicly thanked his wife the other day for being such a great stay-at-home wife/mother. She was sick and he had to take his little boys to the pool, washed dishes, folded lots of laundry, entertained the boys some more, etc. etc. while she lied in bed...sick. It's a draining profession I know, but we Mommies (or stay at home Daddies) get used it.

I had a full time job in the Accounting Dept. of a very large beverage distributor in the big city when I had my first child. I couldn't wait to get back to work and I didn't even wait for my full 6 weeks post surgery recovery time to end. My husband's schedule required him to pull weekend doubles at the restaurant he managed at the time so this gave him a couple of sporadic off days during the week. His schedule, was really the only reason I was able to make it there one more year after my son was born...and the fact my family gave us any off days they had to help us out too.

At his birth, we knew he had "issues" that needed to be investigated, scanned, removed, etc., and we spent most of that first year, in and out of the hospital for all sorts of procedures/surgeries and lots of times, we had three appointments per week. Luckily my husband lots of times was able to pick our son up from daycare, drive him to me in the big city (an hour away) while the baby screamed the entire way, so he could pick me up from work and attend the necessary appointments, then drop me back off to finish my day. You see, deaf children are required just like all other children here in the U.S. to be turned around backwards in the car(until around age one), hence the word-rear facing car seat-but when they can no longer hear, or see their parents driving...they scream. Brook wasn't so bad because big brother was facing forward and could play with her as she rode backwards but Gage was all alone. But my point is, we were a team, my husband and I, and we were in survival mode.

After I realized my son stayed VERY sick with a weak immune system as his only defence for daycare and the fact what little speech he had was troubled, I decided to give in to what had been picking at me for the entire year, and I left work. It was my burden to bear and I was ready to bear it.

I had no idea how hard switching jobs would be. I remember sitting at my desk during lunch as I finished up the three/four week notice and I made a list. I would vacuum on Mondays, wash one load of clothes a day, change linens on Sundays, etc. Luckily I can laugh at it now, but it was never that easy. I did the normal things most stay-at-home moms do but I also focused on speech therapy, which before he could hear, was more like language therapy. He was learning to read lips but I talked to him all day, everyday, as if he could hear to expose him to as much as possible. But my biggest mistake ever...was removing the burden from my husband. I tried to do EVERYTHING myself and was digging myself a hole so deep, it took The Lord to get me out of it. I had no strength left in me, to do everything alone, anymore. My husband was more than willing to help but by that time, I had needed more than a physical rescue.

I've taken on jobs over the years, I still work in Accounting during tax season most of the time, helping out a former employer and I substitute teach. I've become the stay-at-home working mom that works while her children are at school, which allows me to have summers off with them! I love my job now and have for years. It was tough, but it got better. I am so thankful that He chose this job for me, because I would have never picked it for myself. We have only a half day of school left (Tuesday) and we're free to begin our summer...my most challenging and my most fun time of the year. I didn't choose to stay at home as my job, it chose me...and I'm very thankful.

Deuteronomy 28:1-3

1 “Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the Lord your God will set you high above all nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the Lord your God: “Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country."

I saw their smiles when they discovered something new, I watched them in amazement as they learned to hear and speak, I learned how to be a better parent, a better wife, and a better Christian...just by being a stay-at-home mom. I would have never chosen this for myself, I really really wanted to work outside of the home. But for my family, my place was here. It took The Lord to move me into that office and quit a job that I loved, but the benefits have more than out-weighed the costs.

She Heard

For the first time ever, my daughter got in the car last night after our church service, and told ME about the service. If you have a deaf child similar to mine, you know this is an amazing accomplishment. The preacher last night was much more soft spoken than our Pastor, he used no mic, and we were sitting in the middle of the small church.

"Mama, I heard the story. I heard what he said about the lady in the hospital needing a heart scan and she was jumping around mad at first. But they were nice to her anyway, so she started being nicer too."

Usually, I'm the one repeating the stories, repeating the messages, repeating words to songs, but last night, she listened...she heard.

Why

Why do children do things like this to their faces when you have a doctor's appointment?? Well, just as I told him, everyone stared...

He finally weighs 57 lbs.!! Woop Woop which his doc says is appropriate for his height. He had to get one shot, not a big deal...

He won himself a dollar for not crying or fussing too much...(he still doesn't know how cheap I am, lol)

He's very proud of himself for being such a big boy! I have to sub the next two days, but after next week, we are pretty much done with school. We are out for the holiday on the 28th, the 29th I have an eye appointment so they will go but I don't even plan on sending them the 30th which is the offical last day for students...I'm looking forward to our beach trip in JUNE!!!

Eye love him

Eleven years ago today, I was handed a baby. Nurses walked in and out of my room giving me little more than concerned glances. One nurse reluctantly smiled and noted him as a special baby.

Eleven years have passed along with approximately 20 surgeries/procedures and my child is still noted as special (to me). He's driven himself into the O.R. all by himself for several of the surgeries on the toy cars donated for the children to ride as they await their name to be called, showing amazing bravery. He's probably much brighter than the nurses 11 years ago ever figured he would be. He's both hearing and deaf, now. He has the best of both of those worlds at this moment. And he is fully aware that one of the biggest surgeries is waiting for him when he's a teenager...jaw distraction...and he's worried most about his upcoming 11 year old visit with his pediatrician, where his school has confirmed he'll need a shot before sixth grade (go figure). He has friends, he has fun, he has family...and now he has glasses!

Happy Birthday to my baby!!

Little Updates

Sometimes we move so fast from one thing to the next, I forget to update the blog. Brook and Gman got new bunnies...this makes for happy children since their other ones escaped out of the cage due to a faulty door latch

Gage made a guitar for music class at school. They were told to recycle things around the house and we had just built a shed out back so he grabbed some wood, took the strings off a real guitar and made himself a guitar. He did most of the work, his Daddy had to help with some of the sawing and putting the strings on but Gman did all the sanding, design work, pretty much everything else. The classes voted on their favorite ones and his was chosen to be displayed.

Yes, we are to this point. B stays in the pool. She swims at least an hour a day during the week and probably three hours a day on the weekends. She's very aquatic...

Gage again earned himself a slot at the county track meet where schools select their best long jumpers, fastest 50 yard dashers, etc. and compete against all the other area schools. This year, his long jump earned him 3rd place. He was so proud. He was very disappointed in himself last year when his nerves took over and he ended up jumping several feet short of his record. This year, he just ran and flew into the air. The other boys were way taller but he still placed! Way to go G! Unfortunately, it was so loud there he could not hear how far he jumped and I was at the other end so we'll just have to take our ribbon and know that he did well.

BSHM

May is Better Speech and Hearing Month and this blogger is celebrating by inviting guests to write on her blog. Today she's featuring the Cochlear Kids!

CLICK HERE TO READ